I Want
by IdiotDrool
Summary: Am I gay, gosh, this is confusing. I could wait forever but dying feels painful. Do you ever get over love? I hope so, don't think I could last much longer. SasNaru
1. Chapter 1

When you are gay, which I am not, I'm guessing it is really hard to get you mind off it.

Really, really hard.

My birthday was coming up alongside the ghosts and ghouls of Halloween and no one had yet to say anything about it. Am I disappointed? Phss, no. Well, maybe a little. The tiniest bit.

Back to the point of my sexuality.

I'm a hetero. I believe in that greatly. It's just that lately…He's been on my mind. I've been thinking about Sasuke. Sadistic, sociopathic, bastard of a friend Uchiha. Yeah, that Sasuke. You know him, the one with black hair, girls drooling over him all the time.

I thought he was my best friend, my if-I-had-a-brother-this-is-probably-what-it-would-feel-like friend. That is what I used to think of him. He was the same as me. Felt the same pain I felt. That was who he was. I had always looked up to him. Now I'm on the same levels as him but, he feels so far away. Is he holding back? Not showing me _what he really can do_?

'Cause if he is. I understand. I'm okay with that. He can be better than me if he wants. No frets.

I just don't like him being not close to me. I want to have him near. My mind is saying _hold on to me._ Do you let all you friends go? No, he's not that easy. You know what I think, that he makes things hard for me on purpose. He just has to be so impossible. The bastard.

If he is like that it is okay. Let me erase his burden.

_Let me kiss always those silent tears that you held. I won't point and laugh. No. Wrap my arms around you make you feel whole again. Can I fill up that empty space? Would you let me? Fight for you? Or would that Uchiha pride hold you back from me._

_When you keep that hurt, do you not feel me dying alongside you? I've been thinking about how many times I had seen you smile, not nearly enough. _

_I remember what you smelt like and why I always wanted to be around you. Rain water. Fresh and clean, it washes away all the emotion. Even love. Did you love me? Did you like that kiss too? I would do it all differently if I could? Let you know what you meant to me. I want to show you. Have you forgotten how to love?_

_Let me teach you, build a bond with me? Say yes._

_Yes, I love you._

_Yes, I dream about you, __**every day, **__in fact. _

_Yes, I've shed tears._

_And hell yes, I'm in fucking denial! I want you so bad it hurts._

_But I'm empty. Even if you are so far away, I can tell that you are too. Love me man, that is all I want. And if you can let yourself love me then you would forever stay with me. I'd be so good to you, Sasuke I'll make you never want to leave me again. I can promise you that above everything._

_I feel dead, you bring me back to life. Just the thought of you, keeps this cold heart warm enough to beat over and over._

_Without you, babe… Have you realized how many times I've thought of killing myself?_

_Save me. Hold on to me. Keep me alive. I'm dying, I really am._


	2. Chapter 2

So I came home one evening. People had remembered because I had a bundle of presents in my arms. That made me happy. For once.

I decided that I would get drunk that night and maybe, if I was lucky, I would have enough courage to jump out the window. Or cut my wrist in half. Maybe.

There was that ache in my heart that was always there. In the absence of my friends it throbbed harder. Being half alive wasn't good. I still felt pain. I wish I was dead. Being drunk was close enough. Feeling numb was close enough.

So I grabbed a few bud lights and sat down. They were gone in five minutes flat. I felt sleepy not drunk. _Damn, getting drunk on my 20__th__ birthday._

I felt angry. _I won't be like this if you could just face reality and come back to me._ Did I say it out loud? Fuck, did I give a fuck? Hell no.

_So this is how you deal with pain. Great Naruto, just great._

I should leave a friendly note to myself to stay sober before I kill all my brain cells. There aren't many left anyway. Where there many to begin with?

"Fuck you Sasuke!" Was that the beer talking? "Stop haunting me!"

Hot tears, down my face. Bottled up frustration. This was the way I let it out.

_Slam, crash. There goes the stereo. Wasted fifty bucks._

"Fuck, I just wish I could die!"

Sad and alone I dropped to the ground. Crying myself to sleep tonight. Wouldn't be different from the others.

"You look pathetic." A familiar voice said.

"Yeah well, you looked crapped up." I wasn't in the best condition to defend myself. I looked up to face that was the same but different. Same eyes that never left me.

_Oh god. You're beautiful._ That what I should have said…

"Bitch! You decided to come back all of a sudden! Where the hell did you go?!" But somehow it ended up coming out like that. Again I wasn't in good condition.

"You're drunk. Maybe I should come back when you are well enough to think for yourself." He was walking away.

_No I can't let you get away! Not now, not ever… _

"Maybe you didn't drink too much…"

_Did I say that out loud?_

"Yes, you did."

For a while I didn't say anything. He looked gorgeous. Same red eyes, same duck ass dark hair. Christ, such nostalgia. He was taller. Taller than me, only by a few inches. I wanted to tell him how handsome he was. Where was my voice? I couldn't find it.

"You've grown." Silky voice, smooth, I wanted to tell him to say it again. So I did.

"Could you repeat that?"

"What did you do to your hair?"

"Let it grow." It was now a little past my ears.

"Hn."

"You're taller than me."

"Haven't I always been?"

"No."

Struggled to get up on my feet, why did my legs feel like jelly?

_I'm supposed to be polite._

"You want something to drink?"

"Not beer."

"No, not beer. Tea."

"That would be nice." He was already heading to the kitchen.

Ten minutes later, we were sitting at the breakfast table, which was also the dinner table, letting our tea go cold.

"How've you been?"

"Good. You?"

I had to think for a second. "Suckish."

"Hm." Then like an after though he asked, "Why?"

"Because."

_Because you weren't there._

"Because?"

I shrugged. "Reasons."

"Was I missed?"

"More than you will ever bother to know." How did my shoulders get lighter? I felt like laughing. I was a bit surprised when I did. More surprised when Sasuke laughed along with him. Silky, sad laugh, that was what it sounded like. A laugh burdened by something.

"Sakura." He said softly.

"Sakura! Hell no, me, you jerk!"

"You?"

"Yes me!" I've never felt so offended. He laughed again. This time it seemed lighter.

"I never thought you would."

"Something is wrong with you. I've cried over you, Sakura, she's getting over you, I never will. Never. Get that in your head right now." _Don't you see what is in my eyes? In my heart?_

"I could read your mind if I want to…But I might find out something I don't want to know."

_It's called love!_

"Like what?"

"I don't know. Something hateful."

"Read my mind."

_What you are going to see isn't hateful at all. Quite the opposite actually._

"I-I'm scared to." His voice stumbled.

_Please, please. I want you._

"Don't be; don't ever be scared with me. What I think of you…Sasuke. _Please_."

My head went blank, I didn't feel alive. I felt like something, _someone _reached in and searched for something. Saw things. I freed my mind, let them look. I want him to. Opened my heart. Search within myself. Then it was over.

"What did you see?"

"Everything."

"Then you know?

"Yeah. Pretty much."

"I love you."

_Does that make me gay? Oh god, I've turned homo. Well, it's not like I hadn't known it all along._

"I knew that. Even before today."

I just nodded. "I felt you, you were empty. And I kept on thinking 'bout how I want to fill you up. Make you smile an honest smile. I still really haven't seen one of those."

Sasuke nodded. "So what are you going to do about it? Loving me?"

_I donno._

I stood up and Sasuke did the same. Tears stung my eyes. Hot tears. Bottled up tears. Bottled up and forgotten in the car in July. When you remember them again, it's too late, it already hot. Hot forgotten tears that I just remembered. Why did I do that? And with tears came a running nose. Why did I feel so much like an idiot?

I traced his face, lines I didn't see before. Cupped his cheek. He closed his eyes.

"I'm sorry for leaving you. You know it really hurt me when I did. I'm sorry that I hurt you too." He was whispering. Voice like a rain, wash over me, and drown me.

_Don't ever want to get dry again._

"It's okay."

That's when I realized that he was crying. I felt tears on my hand. Hot tears. Bottled up, forgotten until you remember them again. Are you glad you remembered? Hm, Sasuke? Empty those bottles, the soda's gone bad.

I kissed him. It was soft a first. My lips were chapped and so were his but…it felt good. I kissed a little bit harder. He opened his mouth, I let myself in. He tasted like… could I explain?

_Watermelons maybe. And a little bit like honey. Was that okay?_

"It's just fine." He smiled as we broke apart.

"Yeah."

His hands slid up my shirt. "I dream about you. Doing things to you."

"Me too."

Kissed on my on my neck, chest, licked in circles. I shivered. I never thought it would feel _that_ good. Love bites, sweet nibbles. I loved it, even if it hurt. I returned the favor.

"_Ah!"_

"Did that feel good, 'uke?"

_Zip. No pants._

Sweaty, hot, _passionate_. This was how love with Sasuke should feel. And that's how it did.

"_Ngh! Naruto, ah."_

_Did I think Sasuke would taste this good?_

"_No, ah, AHH!"_

He shuddered on last time. Hot liquid down my throat. He looked down at me. So much in those red eyes. They began to swirl.

I woke up naked in bed. No Sasuke. But left on the dresser…

'_Love like no other. I'll come back soon, and when I do, I won't ever leave again. Don't miss me. It hurts me too much. Remember the love we made. We'll do it again. My dope.' _

Uhg, bastard.

* * *

_Kiss me._

_So kiss me. Kiss me._

_Beneath the milky twilight._

_Lala alalalalalal._

Couldn't get that song out of my head.

* * *

**Hm, seems like a peom to me. I donno. In the yaoi mood.**

**Don't expect much from me, I'm a real lazy bum right now.**

**Wow. 11:26pm alreay. Gotta sleep soon.**

**Comment.**


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